Sorry excuse

2020-08-30T17:14:50Z

Story written for the prompt "At the last moment" for the Challenge Explorers, Chapter 1, week 2 by Landedifandom

Rating: SAFE

Warning: internalized homophobia

Wordcount: 1110 w

SORRY EXCUSE

Iwaizumi doesn't know when his feelings for Oikawa shifted in something else, but he remembers the moment he noticed them.
They were by the pool at school, and a ray of sunshine hit Oikawa's wet legs for just a moment.

I want to lick those thighs!'

Iwaizumi thought.

'...Fuck.'

It was the summer of their first year in high school.
-

He had tried to rationalize that thought at first, making crazy hormones take the fault.

Oikawa was training too much for his own good to notice the change.
That was a way more serious problem that need his attention.

Iwaizumi had to get his shit together before he let his best friend ruin his health because he was too busy panicking.

So he cast those useless thoughts aside.

“Why did you hit me so hard Iwa-chan!”

Even if Oikawa's confidence was more show that anything else, he still needed to be kept on check.

“Because you deserve it,” replied everyone else in the gym but him.

Even if that was indeed, part true, it wasn't just that.

'Because that's a more acceptable way to touch you in front of others rather than what I'd actually wanna do to you'

Iwaizumi couldn't fool himself for long.
He knew that wasn't healthy and it wasn't Oikawa's fault if he wanted to rip his clothes and-Fuck. This was getting out of control.

He had never been homophobic in his life, but this was different. It was about him. It was about them.

He was a traitor.

Would Oikawa behave the same towards him if he knew?

Would they shrug this off, like everything else, or would this break their friendship forever?

He couldn't risk it. He couldn't tell him.

He was a sorry excuse for a friend.

Iwaizumi loved volleyball, if that wasn't obvious enough.

He understood that he would never become a pro player, but that didn't change his feelings towards the sport.

'It's not like you can stop loving something because it's out of your reach. Even if would make things easier.'

He was a disappointment as a friend, but thankfully not as a player.

That was his role that he took very seriously.

He was just a stepping stone for Oikawa's future, and he would make the best of it.

Oikawa only needed to be patient, take care of his body and work hard like he always did.

Soon enough, others would notice what Iwaizumi knew all too well.

He was certain of it, and he was going to be the best at making that talent shine for everyone to see.

'He's not a genius. A genius is someone that succeeds with little effort. Oikawa is better than that.'

It was useless, if not downright dangerous to let him know, and obviously embarrassing. But nonetheless true.

-

'When are you going to tell him, you traitor?!'

Every time Iwaizumi's heart skip a beat at something Oikawa did, that thought would rang in his ears.

At the end of a match, or when they where alone at home, or when they where watching a movie together, or when they spent the night at the other's house.

'You owe him the truth. Don't be a coward. No. Not yet. It's not the right time.”

He couldn't risk it.

He didn't know how Oikawa would take the knowledge that his childhood friend lusted on him.
It would make hard to play together, it would get in the way of the whole team, it would get in the way of Oikawa's career. He needed to be at his best to be scouted.
He couldn't do this to him. He was his friend, he had to help him.

'I'll wait until the last moment to tell him.'

He wasn't running away. He was being logical. He was also selfish, because that meant stay by Oikawa's side a little longer.

The plan was simple: wait until their last tournament as third years.

After getting in the Nationals together, after winning versus Karasuno.

That would mean the world for them.

Then, their lifes as students will get too busy with exams, and they'll graduate soon.
Oikawa will go to Tokyo and continue on his career, and they would call each other from time to time.

They'll laugh at that memory, shrugging it off as a teenage crush.

Yeah.

But they lost.

No matter how much effort they put into it, they lost.

Oikawa was flawless.

He was fast enough to prepare for that last destructive spike, and if their wall hadn't changed the trajectory, maybe... but they had lost.

Iwaizumi cried.

He had let down Oikawa for the last time.

He was trying to compose himself again when he noticed Ushijima talking to Oikawa.

He overheard part of the conversation.

“You should have went to Shiratorizawa”

It was true.

Everyone had held down Oikawa, he had held him down.

It was their last day of high school.

There had been no scouting for Oikawa.

There were a lot of girls that confessed to him, leaving him with no bottons on his jacket uniform. He had watched the scene from afar. Oikawa had refused all of them.

As they where going back home from school together for the very last time, Iwaizumi thought that this was his last chance to tell him the truth.

They were going to different universities, this, this was the right time to tell him and get it over with. He stayed silent too much, so it was Oikawa that broke the silence.

“Oi, Iwa-chan, do you want to tell me something?" Oikawa nudged at him,"you're so silent it's creepy!”

“I can tell you now," Iwaizumi looked away, putting his sweaty hands in his pockets.

“what is it?" Oikawa's tone was unusually gentle.

“You know, Shittykawa, I had a crush on you during our first year in high school”

Oikawa stopped in his tracks, and Iwaizumi stilled as well.

“You had?”

There was something in Oikawa's voice that made him panic. He forced a laugh.

“Ha ha, kind of embarrassing yeah? I didn't tell you because it would get in your head, you know. Hormones really mess you up... disgusting.”

He started walking again just to have an excuse not to see Oikawa's face.
Oikawa stayed behind, but then he heard his footsteps approaching and his usual overly cheerful tone.

"Hahaha! Too bad! I don't have buttons anymore! You should have told me sooner, Iwa-chan"

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hermeszeppeli

Sorry excuse